Setting the Chutzpah Meter to 11

We learn from the Boston Globe that Unitil's CEO Robert G. Schoenberger received a $300,000 bonus for meeting his 2008 performance goals. Unitil, you may recall, is the regional power company in north central Massachusetts and southern New Hampshire that left thousands of people without power for up to two weeks after last December's ice storm.

Crime in suburbia

From The Landmark (subscription required):

Holden

Monday, March 2

1:08 a.m. Motor vehicle with no plates on Main St.
1:21 a.m. Suspicious person in lot on Main St.; OK, just walking home
2:19 a.m. Vehicle obstructing snow removal on Wyoming Dr.
4:48 a.m. Several inquiries about school cancellations
8:54 a.m. Complaint about road conditions on Greenwood Parkway
9:08 a.m. Car parked in road on Arizona Ave.; car moved
12:51 p.m. Report of kids throwing snowballs on Princeton St.; parents spoken with
1:46 p.m. Plow driver pushing snow across road on Wachusett St.
3:52 p.m. Caller reports someone tried to steal license plate

Tuesday, March 3

2:58 a.m. Operator asleep in motor vehicle by the side of Shrewsbury St.; waiting for business to open
5:31 a.m. Homeowner on Marlen Rd. says there are footprints in the snow
9:47 a.m. Report of person taken from nursing home against his will by daughter; spoke with daughter and social services,
all set
2:11 p.m. Suspicious motor vehicle in parking lot on Shrewsbury St.
4:19 p.m. 911 Cable worker reports resident accusing him of stealing a laptop; laptop found during phone call
5:22 p.m. 911 Caller reports incident with cable worker from earlier call
6:12 p.m. Plate lost at WRHS retrieved
9:22 p.m. Caller regarding ankle bracelet son is wearing; router turned off
11:59 p.m. Suspicious person at church on Shrewsbury St.

Wednesday, March 4

1:56 p.m. Attempted warrant arrest on Nelson St.; mother says suspect hasn't been around for weeks
2:48 p.m. Suspicious vehicle blocking part of Highland St.; delivering phone books
6:51 p.m. House paintballed on Wachusett St.

Thursday, March 5

8:29 a.m. Coyote sighting on Lexington Circle; also, dead skunk on Malden St.
12:23 p.m. Male in van sitting in front of residence on Holden St.
3:21 p.m. Caller regarding beetles; advised to check Web site
4:32 p.m. House hit by paintballs
4:45 p.m. 911 Caller wants phone number for party from Hubbardston; advised to call 411

Friday, March 6

2:26 a.m. Dead cat on Heather Circle
12:05 p.m. 911 Caller just terminated, boss giving him a hard time
1:21 p.m. Resident returned home to Centerwood Dr. home, door open; says it was locked; house checked, no one in it
9:18 p.m. Deer hit on Salisbury St.

Saturday, March 7

12:58 a.m. Disturbance reported in parking lot on Main St.; animated conversation
12:53 p.m. 911 Report of person doing dancing/karate moves with stick behind business on Main St.
12:58 p.m. Kids hitting rocks with bats into road on Main St.
3:53 p.m. Seven-year-old boy returned home from school to find no one home; father confused about release time [Editor's note: Holden had school on Saturday, March 7, to make up for days lost during December ice storm.]
4:00 p.m. Deceased deer on Salisbury St.
6:10 p.m. Non-reportable motor vehicle accident on Main St.
10:24 p.m. Occupants of vehicle threw eggs at vehicle on Bjorklund St.; vehicle headed toward Holden

Sunday, March 8

8:57 a.m. 911 Railroad tie on Quinapoxet St.; removed from roadway, not a railroad tie
11:26 a.m. Caller reports discarded pole leaning on existing pole; explained this is common practice
11:53 a.m. Caller reports neighbor using chainsaw in an unsafe manner
12:09 p.m. Teen walking on sidewalk near Mountview
3:18 p.m. Dead deer on Salisbury St.
7:17 p.m. Caller inquiring about how to dispose of old ammunition
9:00 p.m. 911 Report of 20-year-old male stopping traffic and going door to door for money; needed fuel

Paxton

Monday, March 2

3:40 p.m. Car into pole, South St.
3:59 p.m. Walk-in to station regarding a plow truck that might be town owned, that caused her to spin out, Nanigian Rd. No damage to motor vehicle.

Tuesday, March 3

2:30 p.m. Loose beagle on Grove St.
3:28 p.m. Caller advising there was a coyote in her backyard on Saturday. Told to call back if animal appears again and appears aggressive.

Wednesday, March 4

8:59 a.m. Grandson is locked in car, Glenellen Rd.
11:25 a.m. Suspicious male walking near Dunkin' Donuts, driven to Worcester line.
4:57 p.m. Caller advising of turkey that was hit by a motor vehicle, Pleasant St.
7:27 p.m. Finance Committee member requesting an officer to the gym to ask that loud music be turned down. It is interrupting their meeting.

Thursday, March 5

5: 39 p.m. Caller advising of ongoing issue with loose Rotweiler, Howard St.

Friday, March 6

10:05 a.m. Caller requesting help with her water meter, Pleasant St.
1:48 p.m. Housekeeper, Shenandoah Dr., said burglar alarm went off but there is no emergency.
10:57 p.m. Suspicious auto, Paxton Marketplace. Party spoken to.

Saturday, March 7

3:30 p.m. Caller found dog without owner in Boynton Park. Said she will watch the dog until the owner can be contacted.
5:05 p.m. Caller reporting missing dog. Dog described as white mix with yellow polka dots
7:56 p.m. Paxton Sports Center requesting check on a car in their parking lot
11:00 p.m. Suspicious auto at Paxton Market Place

Sunday, March 8

1:21 a.m. Teens removed from in front of Paxton Liquor Store. Transported to Worcester line. Parents say it is okay to take cab from there

Princeton

Monday, March 2

12:03 a.m. Request for highway department
3:50 p.m. Request for light department, Mirick Rd./Pine Hill Rd.
11:24 p.m. Request for light department, Mirick Rd.

Tuesday, March 3

5:42 p.m. Assist animal control officer, Wheeler Rd./Ralph Rd.
7:34 p.m. Request for animal control officer, Brooks Station Rd.

Thursday, March 5

2:45 a.m. Lost person, Fitchburg Rd. Person located

Friday, March 6

9:32 p.m. Suspicious incident, Hubbardston Rd.

Saturday, March 7

3:43 p.m. Public service, Redwood Dr.
8:32 p.m. Request for light department, Worcester Rd.

Sunday, March 8

12:45 a.m. Suspicious motor vehicle, Houghton Rd.
3:18 p.m. Request for light department, Esty Rd.

Rutland

Monday, March 2

5:45 p.m. Small black car parked in front of building, Johnson Way
9:32 p.m. Attempt to serve warrant, Campbell Ct.

Tuesday, March 3

10:37 p.m. Person reporting that someone towed vehicle into their yard and left it, Bushy Ln.

Wednesday, March 4

10:36 a.m. Caller''s dogs barked and she found footprints in snow close to her home, Prescott St.
5:12 p.m. Person asking police to check on vehicle parked on Johnson Way

Thursday, March 5

6:18 p.m. Person to speak with officer about suspicious male walking in area when children are waiting for bus, Watson Ln.

Friday, March 6

11:55 a.m. Complaint of poor business practices at business, Barre Paxton Rd.

10:20 p.m. Complaint of barking dog, Highland Park Rd.

Saturday, March 7

9:18 a.m. Two golden retrievers in the roadway, E. County Rd./Locke Rd.
6:22 p.m. Report of possible goings-on in Worcester involving family member, referred to Worcester PD
9:11 p.m. Caller concerned her dog may have fallen through ice, Finn Park Rd.

Sunday, March 8

5:56 a.m. Report of dog lying in roadway, Pommogussett/ East County Rds.
3:53 p.m. Elderly male out fishing on ice that doesn't look safe, Fisherman's Rd.

Sterling

Monday, March 2

5:16 p.m. Report that snow and debris are being pushed into middle of the road, Malvern Hill Rd.

Tuesday, March 3

9:30 a.m. Assist citizen, Worcester Rd.
7:45 p.m. Summons served. Leominster Rd.
9:51 p.m. Report that hatchet was thrown through the rear window of vehicle parked in driveway on Elliott Rd.

Wednesday, March 4

1:49 a.m. Report that street sign is missing, ripped from telephone pole, Gibbons Dr.

Thursday, March 5

9:30 a.m. Request to speak with officer about copies left at library, Meetinghouse Hill Rd.
9:47 a.m. Person reporting footprints in the snow in field on John Dee Rd.
2:33 p.m. Loose dog, Johnson Rd.

Friday, March 6

8:54 a.m. Juvenile offenses, Boutelle Rd.
11:53 a.m. Child left school, Boutelle Rd.
1:51 p.m. Youth has taken off from school again, Boutelle Rd.
3:50 p.m. Black Labrador dog running down Kendall Hill Rd.
4:58 p.m. Cow running on Clinton Rd.
5:40 p.m. Black dog chasing vehicles, Kendall Hill Rd./Tara Lane

Saturday, March 7

8:45 p.m. Suspicious activity, Beverly Dr.

Sunday, March 8

3:53 p.m. General offenses, Leominster Rd.

Buy Smaller Eggs, Ease Hens' Pain: Farmer - World news | Newser

Mel Brooks, in one of the 2000 Year Old Man bits, uses the word 'egg' as example of onomatopoeia. "It's the sound that a hen makes as she's laying it."
Now, just in time for Easter, we learn that if we buy smaller eggs, we're kinder to the hens: Buy Smaller Eggs, Ease Hens' Pain: Farmer - World news | Newser. I wonder if smaller eggs are easier on the Easter Bunny as well.

But Dad is riding with me. You just can't see him.

An Ashburham-Westminster school official is chrged with using a handicapped-parking permit issues to his deceased father.
Worcester Telegram & Gazette News: "RMV spokeswoman Ann Dufraine said that on Oct. 9, 2003, the registry renewed for five years the placard issued to Philip Chates because the registry had received a signed renewal request form that appeared to be in order.
There’s just one problem — Philip Chates died more than six months earlier, on April 14, 2003, according to Worcester death records."
As Bobcat Goldthwait said, "I love the handicapped. Otherwise, I'd never find a parking place.

As best as I can tell, this is not from The Onion

The Washington Post reports that

(PETA) President Ingrid Newkirk has come up with this: George Clooney-flavored tofu.

In a letter sent to the actor, Newkirk said that PETA has been offered his gym towel (obtained right here in D.C.!) and wants to use his sweat to create Clooney tofu that will "spare animals from being killed for the table." She went on to explain that the science is pretty simple, like "making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy."

Computer-aided end-of-life decisions

I have worked and played with computer systems and software for close to 30 years. I have done good and clever work and I have, working late one night in a computer lab, typed delete *.* and rm -r . in system directories.
It's in that spirit of reflection that I read an article that tells me that researchers design computer model to make end-of-life medical decisions.
We learn from the article that "A computer program may predict how patients who are incapacitated wish to be treated more accurately than their loved ones."
My mother insisted that no extraordinary measures be taken to keep her alive. We had many discussions about what were ordinary measures and what were extraordinary, discussions that were interesting on a philosophical level and often overwhelming on a personal level. It probably would have been helpful to have a way to analyze and recognize the current conditions and my mother's wishes. Instead, as one of her friends observed, "We do the best what we are."
And computers do the best of what they are, too.
Except when they're not.

Portrait of an artist as a young whale killer

[This is part of a series of old papers, pictures, and other historical jetsom that's falling out of our attic.]
I wrote this story when I was in the third grade. With deference to PETA and Greenpeace, I hope that I'm referring to a family of whales and not a family of people. It does make me wonder what kind of alarms would go off these days if a third-grader handed in a story such as this.

Finding Jesus in the spin cycle

According to a Reuters report, the Vatican observed International Women's Day by opining that the washing machine liberated 20th century women most. Gee, I might have picked the 19th amendment, at least in the U.S., or any number of firsts for women in politics, science, or literature.
Or, maybe, even the example of Mother Theresa:

But, nah, it's this guy:

Why I don't go to the WTAG web site for local news

As I write, it's snowing and our untreated road is snow-covered. I'd like to know what's going on beyond my field of vision.
On the front page of WTAG.com, the lead story is about Harry Potter.

When I click on the link for morning news, I'm shown a caption contest with a picture of, well:


If I click on the News > Local News link, I'm brought to a page that includes an undated story about last Monday's snow storm:

The traffic link on this page, by the way, brings me to the same stale news section - no traffic information.
Finally, I wander around the home page again and find another traffic link that brings me to something useful. Elapsed time to find this info: about 15 minutes.

Winter's reprise

The forecasters are calling for a shimmering glop of rain, sleet, and snow. It's another of those elevation-dependent storms, so a couple hundred feet can make the difference between wet and white.
It's a good day for staying in. I do have an appointment this afternoon that'll take me into Med City, aka Worcester Medical Center, aka St. Vincent Hospital, but I'm expecting the roads to be just wet.
On the balmy days of the weekend, we cut up and gathered some of the larger pieces of wood left over from the ice storm. The wood is still quite green and burns without enthusiasm in the stove.
We have, however, found some help for the fires. It's time, we decided, to take a look at some of the boxes that have found their way into the attic. Several years ago, we instituted a rule tht nothing goes in unless something comes out, but there was a lot of stuff up there that predated the rule.
Yesterday, I brought down five boxes. One was filled with university catalogs from 1992, when I'd toyed with the idea of restarting a graduate program. Two of the boxes contained receipts, canceled checks, and bank statements dating back to 1974. As interesting as it was to flip through the check registers and see how we'd squandered spent our money, we don't really need to keep checks paid to the Hudson IGA, Greater Media cable, New England Telephone (when Holden's area code was still 617), or the Evening Telegram.
The thread of bank mergers was kind of fun to follow. In no particular order, we had accounts with Worcester County National Bank, Worcester County Institute for Savings, Shawmut Worcester County Bank, BankBoston, and Fleet, all of which, IIRC, became Bank of America.
Back then, Social Security numbers were printed on every page of every statement. We don't have a shredder, except for what the mice in the attic have done, so burning is the safest way to dispose of this stuff. A nice bit of synchronicity - green wood kept ablaze by receipts from Benson's, Caldor, and The Fair.
As I write, the rain has changed to snow.

When a "Don't do it!" won't suffice.

In another exquisite use of our patent system, IBM has filed a patent application for a "Methodology and process for suppressing de-focusing activities during selective scheduled meetings."
By accepting an invitation for a 'distraction-free' meeting, the attendee also agrees to allow the meeting organizer to disable certain computing activities on the attendees computer.
It's the equivalent of, instead of telling your kid that he can't have friends ride with him in the car on Saturday night, you develop a program that remotely enables an ejection mechanism in the rear and passenger seats. The system is armed when you hand the keys to the kid.
The phrase 'Topless Meetings' made Time Magazine's 2008 top 10 buzzword. It means that the boss calls a meeting and tells the attendees to leave their laptops in the office.
Let's see, if I was a manager in a company that was trying to contain costs, which would I do?

1. Tell people not to bring their laptops to a meeting.
   
2. Dispatch engineers to develop a program that would disable the computers of attendees and then dispatch a team of lawyers to file a patent application, waiting the average 24 months for a patent to be approved, if it's approved on the first try.
   (Oh, and most companies pay a bonus to employees whose inventions are patented.)
   

United States Patent Application: 0090063996

via /.

India seeks to advance the ancient practice of ... patents

India is hurrying to gather knowledge of yoga practices and principles into their Traditional Knowledge Digital Library in an effort stave off European and American patents on said practices and principles. According to The Telegraph, in the United States alone, there have been more than 130 yoga-related patents, 150 copyrights and 2,300 trademarks. India is hoping to be able to establish 'prior art' on its sacred knowledge and to publish those records worldwide.
One such U.S. patent is Yoga support system and method, #US6766536, which states "A yoga support system includes a pair of yoga gloves and a pair of yoga slippers."
And, if slippers aren't enough, here are Yoga Toes:

US Patent: 7,322,915 & 7,131,939

America's Christian roots

Last night, we went out to dinner and saw some friends we'd not seen in a while. They talked excitedly about their involvement the Humanist group in Worcester. The conversation spun off to a historical eddy. Our early presidents were anything but conventional Christians (witness Jefferson's cut-and-paste edition of the Christian scripture).
During the late 18th and early 19th centuries, the fledgling American nation fought a series of battles with pirates in the Mediterranean, engagement known as the Barbary Wars.
One early treaty attempted to end the war, albeit not for long. The treaty, however, holds some illustrative commentary on religion in America and its regard for religions elewhere in the world.
From Article 11 of US Treaty with Tripoli, 1796-1797:

As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

The treaty was approved unanimously by the Senate and signed by John Adams.

Historian and scholar Chuck Norris contends otherwise, that Article 11 was simply an politically expedient statement intended to distance America from The Crusades. Yep, that sounds like the action of a nation deeply rooted in their Christianity - disavowing their faith so that they could placate some pirates.