Our three-hour tour

"This isn't a good idea," said Cassie as I carried her across another little stream that crossed the trail. She was right. It was now dark. The temperature had dipped below freezing. The five of us, Cassie, Tess, Sandra, Marley, and your scribe were in the woods, on a trail to be sure, but we didn't know where we were, much less than where we were going.
It was almost a good idea. We'd set out at three o'clock on Wednesday for a walk at Trout Brook, a conservation area in town. There are several trails through the woods, identified with red, white, and/or blue markers on the trees. We decided to take the blue trail. For a time, Cassie led the way, shouting out with joy at each blue marker that she saw.
On Tuesday, there'd been heavy rains. Because of the unseasonably cold weather during the last two weeks, the ground was frozen, meaning that it couldn't absorb the water. Instead, the water stayed on the surface, creating many, many, (did I say many?) streams and puddles across the trail.
Each watery section slowed our progress. Tess was really good at finding stepping stones, bits of firmament, and tree roots that we could use to make our way across. Nevertheless, we had to walk carefully and that meant slowly. From time to time, Sandra carried Cassie across some of the wider puddles.
The sun set at 4:17. When we were in the parts of the forest that were made up of evergreens, it got dark quickly, but then we'd move into a hardwood section and enjoy a bit of brightness. We reach civil twilight at 4:48. (Here's the almanac data for that day.) We could just barely see the markers on the trees. I held up my Blackberry so the light from the screen could show whether it was a blue marker or not.
The trail was hilly. Each time we reached a crest, our spirits lifted, thinking that we could see openings in the tree cover ahead and maybe we were getting back to the parking area. We then went downhill, into more water and more twists of the trail, no closer to anywhere. 
All the while, our outward spirits stayed positive. A few times, Cassie did wonder aloud whether she would ever see her mother and father again. I assured her that she would, that we were on an adventure and that we'd have a great story to tell when we got home.
Before long, we weren't able to avoid the water and all of us had wet shoes (except, of course, for Marley, who soldiered on with four wet feet).
There were a few old foot bridges across the proper streams. The bridges were wet, though, and becoming icy. It was too slippery to try to carry Cassie across. So, I got on my hands and knees, facing backwards. Cassie held on to my head as I worked my way across the bridge.
When it was finally, really dark, we started seeing lights from a road. They were car headlights. We were elated. The trail broadened and flattened and became a dirt road and then out to the street. But what street? We took a left and started walking down the narrow road. A few hundred yards later, we reached an intersection. I clambered up the side and again held my Blackberry up to the street sign. Wood Street.
Google Maps showed that Wood Street intersected with Wachusett Street.
I called Mike. I told him where I thought we were just as the battery on my phone quit. The battery rejuventated itself long enough for me to call him back and confirm that we were under the sign on Wood Street. The five of us sat down on the banking and sang songs.
It turned out that we weren't on Wachusett, but on Mason. Mike drove up Wachusett to the Princeton line, came back, and then followed Wood Street to the other end where we were sitting. It was six o'clock. Relieved and embarrassed, we hopped into the car. Mike drove us back to the parking area, several miles away. Sandra and I then followed Mike back to his house where Lynn had prepared a comforting dinner of soup and BLTs. The kids were home, safe and warm, seemingly not traumatized, but not likely to go for a walk in the woods with Buppy and Iso again for a good, long time.

Crime in suburbia

From The Landmark (subscription required):

Holden

Monday, Nov. 17

1:42 a.m. Caller heard dog bark and a woman scream
1:55 p.m. Injured porcupine

Tuesday, Nov. 18

8:37 p.m. 911 call with profanity in background; claims to be trying to dial 411 and profanity was TV; voice identified as caller; fight between mother and son

Wednesday, Nov. 19

12:29 a.m. Pedestrian warning barrel removed, Highland St.
9:28 a.m. Sewer leak, Main St.
4:56 p.m. Water faucet found running when resident returned home, Cook St.

Thursday, Nov. 20

3:00 p.m. Party in lobby to speak to officer about school project

Friday, Nov. 21

5:58 p.m. Moscow Rd. resident wants police to come shoot bear in yard; informed bear would not be shot
9:49 p.m. Party observed subject disposing trash in Dumpster at Dawson School; says custodian gave him permission

Saturday, Nov. 22

7:16 p.m. Caller regarding individual blowing leaves at night; advised it will be checked on if it goes on to unreasonable hour
10:47 p.m. Vehicle all over road, Salisbury St.

Sunday, Nov. 23

12:44 a.m. Large black bear in yard, Forest Dr.
5:17 p.m. Black bear reported, Forest Dr.; second caller advised bear on Nola Dr.
5:44 p.m. Possible illegal dumping, Fisher Rd.

Paxton

Monday, Nov. 17

7:07 a.m. Tree limb on wires at residence, Center Dr.
7:43 a.m. Tree limb on wires, East Howard St.

Tuesday, Nov. 18

No calls

Wednesday, Nov. 19

4:33 p.m. Resident advising he is burning leaves and there is a lot of smoke, Camp St.

Friday, Nov. 21

5:02 p.m. Person in station about previous motor vehicle vs. deer, Rte. 31

Saturday, Nov. 22

4:42 p.m. Motor vehicle hit deer, Reservoir Rd.; no vehicle damage. Party is taking the deer

Sunday, Nov. 23

1:58 p.m. Walk-in reporting vehicle and individual walking near reservoir; negative contact

Princeton

Monday, Nov. 17

6:10 a.m. Public service, Royal Plaza Hotel, Fitchburg
8:12 a.m. Public service, Hobbs Rd.
2:32 p.m. Request for animal control officer, Ralph Rd.

Tuesday, Nov. 18

8:02 a.m. Request for animal control officer, Merriam Rd.
11:59 a.m. Request for animal control officer, Bigelow Rd.
10:19 p.m. Request for light dept., Thompson Rd.

Thursday, Nov. 20

10:14 a.m. Request for animal control officer, Worcester Rd.

Friday, Nov. 21

No calls

Saturday, Nov. 22

No calls

Sunday, Nov. 23

4:13 p.m. Public service, Gregory Hill Rd.

Rutland

Monday, Nov. 17

9:53 a.m. Blue Suburban failed to stop at the stop sign leaving Glenwood School, fear for safety, Glenwood School.

Wednesday, Nov. 19

8:53 a.m. Locked out of car, Fernwood Dr.
1:34 p.m. Locked keys in vehicle, Watson Ln.

Thursday, Nov. 20

6:42 p.m. Caller reporting a dead motor vehicle in the front of his house, Main St.

Friday, Nov. 21

3:19 p.m. Gun shots heard in area, Wildbrook Dr.

Saturday, Nov. 22

1:44 a.m. Dead coyote in the road, Pleasantdale Rd.
1:40 p.m. Walk-in concerned about people skating at Putnam Park, Main St.
2:30 p.m. Caller concerned about people skating on the pond next to Ace Hardware

Sterling

Wednesday, Nov. 19

4:53 p.m. Attempt to deliver message, School St.
5:17 p.m. Attempt to deliver message, Old County Rd.
5:41 p.m. Message delivered, Still River Rd.

Saturday, Nov. 22

6:42 a.m. Two dead foxes in the road on Rte. 12
9:26 a.m. Suspicious male standing in roadway, Clinton Rd.
9:48 a.m. Pickup truck dropping off two males with rifles, Beaman Rd.

Who'da thunk it?

Years before the classic "I'm gonna write me a new minivan" Dilbert strip,



Mutt and Jeff laid out the same principle.

Career opportunities in the Great White North

The following appeared in the dita.xml.org blog, a site for people interested in the Darwin Information Typing Architecture OASIS standard. DITA is an XML-based architecture, used primarily by technical writers, for authoring, producing, and delivering technical information.
So, finding an article such as the following on this blog is leads to a bit of puzzlement:

How to get recruited as nannies Canada? | DITA XML.org via kwout

• Ler us hope that the market for technical writers is not so bad that becoming a nanny in Canada is a reasonable alternative career.
• The All your base are belong to us diction suggests that the marketing lingo has been through the BlahblahFish emulsifier.
  

Bring on those PEI potatoes

The report on the PEi potato crop brings tears to one's eyes, although not in a good way.

There’s a smell of rotting potatoes hovering around eastern P.E.I. these days, but despite a season that even drowned the wireworms, potato prices are on fire.

Wait, there's more.

Eastern growers are spending these days washing the muck off potato piles that are starting to turn to salvage what they can.

So, the crop is small (and rotting), but, because the prices are very high, it's a good year, which could turn bad because farmers may plant more potatoes next year, in case that the price is high, but that might drive the prices down. Meanwhile, Bruce Huffaker of the North American Potato Market News warned  "at least one quick service restaurant in the U.S. is worried about a supply shortage and has developed a French fry rival. 'It’s a macaroni cheese stick and the kids like it,’' he said."

Stupid patent tricks

Here are a couple of developments that would have the Founding Fathers spinning in their teacups as they try to understand how these patents relate to Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution: "The Congress shall have power ... To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries;".

IBM's patent on their Pay at the Table System was approved on appeal. (via /.)

"Patrons at a restaurant or bar can pay at their table using credit cards, without involving the restaurant or bar cashier and/or wait staff. Patrons are assisted using this system in dividing the bill by displaying the amount due (including tax) and allowing each patron to enter the amount they wish to pay. When the initial bill is presented, a balance due will be displayed and the indication will be provided that the bill has yet to be paid in full. As each transaction is entered, a running total will be displayed indicating the remaining balance due. When the running total reaches zero, the bill is paid in full, and an indication will be provided, such as by illuminating a green indicator light or by displaying a balance due of $0.00."

McDonald's has applied for a patent on making sandwiches (also via /.).

"The present invention relates to a sandwich assembly tool and methods of making a sandwich, which may be a hot or cold sandwich, quickly by pre-assembly of various sandwich components and simultaneous preparation of different parts of the same sandwich. The sandwich assembly tool is composed of a member preferably having one or two cavities for containing a quantity of garnish. The cavities are used for the assembly of the sandwich. The tool may have a raised ridge adjacent one or both cavities for placement against the hinge of a bread component. Methods of making a sandwich] are disclosed. The methods may include one or more of the use of preasseribled sandwich fillings, assembly of garnishes in advance of a customer's order or while ether portions of the sandwich are being heated using the sandwich assembly tool, the simultaneous heating of a bread component and the sandwich filling, placing the bread component over the tool containing garnish, and inverting the tool and bread combination to deposit the sandwich garnish onto the bread component."

And, we mustn't forget the flow chart:

From the Gluttony Deficiency Department

Why don't they just set up an IV and let cholesterol drip directly into our arteries?

LongHorn Steakhouse via kwout

Um, Professor, your insights are insightful.

Professor: Alcohol consumption could start to decline - Helsingin Sanomat - International Edition

Consumption of alcohol will go down in Finland, predicts Professor Jussi Kauhanen of the University of Kuopio.
However, Kauhanen is not absolutely sure if Finland has reached its peak in consumption yet, or if it might increase before declining again.

Worcestershire Journal - On simplicity and complexity : Real Worcester - Worcester News and Blogs

My latest post on Real Worcester: Worcestershire Journal - On simplicity and complexity

Civics Quiz

I scored a 93.94 %, plus I ought to get a point for noticing that they used inalienable rights instead of the correct unalienable in the first question.
How'd you do? The rest of us didn't do so well.  

via Blue Mass Group.

As I was saying ...

about cats, ...

From Basic Instructions

This won't end well

According to Engadget, DARPA wants IBM's help to build a computer that's as smart as a cat. Cats are vexatious enough as it is; they don't need computers.

Signs of the times

On a walk with Sandra and Marley, we met up with a sign that had us perplexed. But, just like that, the words of Woody Guthrie gave us strength to soldier on. 

As I was walkin'
I saw a sign there
And that sign said no trespassin'

But on the other side
It didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

Why Holden needs three pharmacy chains - week of 23 Nov

Just a reminder that the folks of Holden are struggling along, bearingup under great privation, with only two national pharmacy chains (Rite-Aid and CVS) in town. A third, Walgreens, is under construction on Main Street.

Rite-Aid, with the slogan, and I'm not making this up, Rite Aid Pharmacy - With Us, It's Personal, is offering some creepy male enhancement products.

In the meantime, CVS is offering a Complete Multi-purpose solution, although they don't say a solution to what. It's only as you read the tiny, tiny print do you see that it's a contact lens solution. To think, we almost had a complete solution.

Anyway, the guy who has the, ahem, enhancement products and a complete solution, so that he can see clearly, now needs to look cool, eh? Well, if there was a Walgreens in town, there'd be no problem cuz he could get a set of Coor's Light slippers.

How cool is that? Yeah, about that cool. Bring on the Snoopy boxer shorts and there's no stopping the guy.

That is, if only there was a Walgreens in town.